WEB SITE TERMS
OF USE
Wow! You actually came to this page. Our lawyers made us
include it and made us use a precious button on our home
page to get you here. At first, we thought the lawyers
were a real pain. But then we read the page. What a
Netwakening! It's really important stuff. We took the
legalese the lawyers wrote and translated it into
readable English. So be a smart nethead and read the
stuff on this page. It could prevent you from hearing
from our lawyers, or worse yet, from really nasty
people, like prosecutors.
Here's the deal:
We run this site so that people like you (and people you
like) can use it for personal entertainment,
information, education, communication, and
cybergratification. So go ahead and browse around all
you like. You can even download stuff from the site but
only for non-commercial, personal use. If you do,
though, don't fool around with the copyright and other
notices all over the stuff. They're there for a really
good reason. And don't even think about distributing,
modifying, transmitting, reusing, re-posting, or
anything else uncool with any of the stuff, including
the text, images, audio, and video, for public or
commercial purposes unless we give you written
permission. And it's not likely we will.
If you visit our site, you're also legally obligated to
[read: stuck with] the terms and conditions listed below
and any other law or regulation that applies to the
site, the Internet, the World Wide Web, or Los Angeles,
CA. You shouldn't access or browse the site if you have
any problem with that, because once you start, there's
no turning back -- you are bound by [read: stuck with]
the terms and conditions.
So here's the scoop on our Top Ten Rules for
Cybersurfers who hang out on our site:
1. For everyone's sake, just assume that everything on
the site is copyrighted unless we say it's not. So you
can't use the stuff except how we say you can on this
page or anywhere else on the site without our written
permission. And like we said before, it's not likely
we'll give you permission anyway. In fact, even if we
wanted to, the lawyers are likely to veto any deal
anyway. So it's better you don't even ask.
2. While we try to include accurate stuff on the site,
we're not promising you it's accurate. In fact, we're
not promising you anything except fun and entertainment.
So if you use stuff on the site, you're using it at your
own risk. Don't call us if there's a problem because we
assume no liability or responsibility for errors or
omissions on the site.
3. We and anybody else who helped us create, produce, or
deliver the site are not liable for any damages you
suffer when you use it. In particular, the lawyers want
you to know that our disclaimer includes direct,
incidental, consequential, indirect, or punitive damages
arising out of your access to, or use of, the site.
Without limiting the foregoing, everything on the site
is provided to you 'AS IS' WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND,
EITHER EXPRESSED OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED
TO, THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS
FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, OR NON INFRINGEMENT.
Please note that some jurisdictions may not allow the
exclusion of implied warranties, so some of the above
exclusions may not apply to you. Check your local laws
for any restrictions or limitations regarding the
exclusion of implied warranties. Ugh! What a mouthful
from the mouthpieces. We put all of that in quotes
because we couldn't figure out any other way to say it
that the lawyers would accept. But here's the bottom
line -- we're not responsible if you're browsing around
and the site damages you or your computer or infects it
with any nasty viruses. We sure hope that doesn't
happen, but if it does, don't call us.
4. If you don't want the world to know something, don't
post in on the site in any bulletin board or anyplace
else. That's because anything you disclose to us is
ours. That's right -- ours. So we can do anything we
want with the stuff you post. We can reproduce it,
disclose it, transmit it, publish it, broadcast it, and
post it someplace else. We can even send it to your
mother (as soon as we find her address). Not only that,
we can even use any ideas, concepts, know-how, or
techniques you post any way we want to, including,
developing, manufacturing and marketing products or
other stuff using the information you post.
5. Pictures of people or places shown on the site are
either our property or someone else's property we're
using with their permission. No matter what, it's
definitely not your property. You or any of your
net-friends can't use it unless we said you could on
this page or somewhere else on the site. And guess what
-- we won't say yes. So be careful, Bunky, because
unauthorized use may violate all sorts of nasty laws. Be
smart, keep the stuff you download to yourself.
6. There's also a lot of trademarks, logos, and service
marks on the site that either we own or we're using with
someone else's permission. So don't think you have any
kind of license or right to use them, because you don't
and we're not about to give you one. If you don't leave
them alone and mess with our trademarks, logos and
service marks on our site, we'll probably go ballistic,
so will the companies that own the other trademarks,
logos and service marks. That means that we're likely to
sue you or to ask a prosecutor to come after you for
messing around with our property or the property of
others.
7. You'll probably notice we've linked our site to lots
of others. While that's cool, it doesn't mean we've
looked at all those sites, much less checked them out
periodically to see what's going on. So don't blame us
if some site you link to is bad or has stuff on it that
offends you or your pets. Go ahead and link, but
remember, you're doing it at your risk.
8. That brings us to what you do on our own site. While
we occasionally listen in on chat groups, or look at the
posting in our discussion groups or on our bulletin
boards, we take no responsibility and assume no
liability for the content of those locations or for any
mistakes, defamation, libel, slander, omissions,
falsehoods, obscenity, pornography, or profanity you
might encounter when you visit such places on our site.
And don't be stupid by posting or transmitting any
unlawful, threatening, libelous, defamatory, obscene,
scandalous, inflammatory, pornographic, nasty, mean, or
profane material or any material that law enforcement
types may consider a criminal offense, get someone in
court on a civil lawsuit, or for that matter violate any
law -- anywhere, anytime. While we certainly respect
your privacy, we have no choice but to fully cooperate
with any law enforcement authorities or court which
might ask us who might have posted nasty stuff on our
site.
9. Software that we use on this Site is protected by all
sorts of patriotic U.S. laws. Because of that, you can't
download or send the software to anyone in the vacation
travel spots of Cuba, Iraq, Libya, North Korea, Iran,
Syria, or any other country where United States has
embargoed goods; or (get this) to anyone on the United
States Treasury Department's list of Specially
Designated Nationals, the U.S. Commerce Department's
Table of Deny Orders, or the FBI's Most Wanted Internet
Creeps List (just kidding on the last one). As if that
were not tough enough, if you live in or are a national
of any of those lovely places, you're not even supposed
to be reading this page, so beat it!
10. We're also allowed to change this page and anything
else on the site any time we want to. That's because
it's ours and we have the programmers who can do it. If
we do change the page, then you're bound by [read: stuck
with] those changes, too, whenever you visit our site.
If either of us wants to make something of it and wants
to "sue" (a dirty word) then we have to follow these
rules of engagement. (sort of according to the Geneva
Convention):
This Agreement is governed by the laws of the State of
Florida, without regard to principles of conflict of
laws.
To the extent you have in any manner violated or
threatened to violate fastcashelite.com and/or
its affiliates' intellectual property rights,
fastcashelite.com and/or its affiliates may
seek injunctive or other appropriate relief in any state
or federal court in the State of Florida, and you
consent to exclusive jurisdiction and venue in such
courts.
Any other disputes will be resolved as follows:
If a dispute arises under this agreement, we agree to
first try to resolve it with the help of a mutually
agreed-upon mediator in the following location: Seminole
County. Any costs and fees other than attorney fees
associated with the mediation will be shared equally by
each of us.
If it proves impossible to arrive at a mutually
satisfactory solution through mediation, we agree to
submit the dispute to binding arbitration at the
following location: Seminole County, under the rules of
the American Arbitration Association. Judgment upon the
award rendered by the arbitration may be entered in any
court with jurisdiction to do so.
If this all sounds kind of mean and undiplomatic, you
should have seen what the lawyers gave to us in the
first place. We had to remind them that human torture
and sacrifice was outlawed in the United States. Boy,
did they look disappointed!
Febuary 1 2009
fastcashelite.com